If You hadn't shown me better
I would think myself to be the worst of all men
The most depraved and the most hateful and the best liar
I would feel the least worthy of your grace
(Thank God for it!)
Like the very best faker in a crowd of Christian-white porcelain
A solitary smudge upon a pane of glass
Which is why I thank You God for your people
For taking fakers, thieves, hypocrites and murderers under wing
And fashioning me friends in my own image
In your image but sinful
Deadmen and deadwomen covered in blood
Who show me grace unceasing and love unfailing
And assure me that I am never
Never
Alone
Amen.
Friday, October 29, 2010
Sunday, August 22, 2010
At one point I wanted to crawl under the table and take a fork to my jugular because I was so embarrassed.
I just finished listening to a sermon by Mark Driscoll that Zachary gave me a link to.
I have never listened to that man and... I was very impressed but also very ashamed.
I found it disturbingly challenging.
I can't decide if I'm a coward or a chauvinist because honestly I feel like sometimes I'm both.
A quick survey of this blog's eleven followers reveals that some of them are men, and I guess I'd encourage those people to watch this if they haven't already.
You can post your character type in the comments!
Na not really. But do watch it and comment.
Girls you should watch it too.
Mark Driscoll on Marriage and Men
I have never listened to that man and... I was very impressed but also very ashamed.
I found it disturbingly challenging.
I can't decide if I'm a coward or a chauvinist because honestly I feel like sometimes I'm both.
A quick survey of this blog's eleven followers reveals that some of them are men, and I guess I'd encourage those people to watch this if they haven't already.
You can post your character type in the comments!
Na not really. But do watch it and comment.
Girls you should watch it too.
Mark Driscoll on Marriage and Men
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Finish this poem for me please (or give me some suggestions)
I wrote this in a time of reflection and when I read it to Dylan he said he liked it so I'm going to post it up now. I've made some drastic changes to the original and the narrative (and potentially the theology) is a little bit choppy, but I hope you enjoy it.
It is quite repetitive. I've posted here the marginally coherent parts. It has grown too big as my poems tend to do.
Laundry
Every day
I meet with my God in the same place
I meet with my God and every day
I resolve to change
I resolve to change my ways
I come home cut to the core
Penitent and grateful
Pensive and reflective
Thoughtful;
And having drunk deep of your cup of grace
I plunge back into the pool of perdition
And soak there
Waiting
Waiting for you to pick me up
And wring me out
And wash me clean again.
I have a t-shirt with Your name on it
That I like to wear in company.
Christ;
You know I'm such a fake
I wear it until the dirt begins to stick
Until it's clear that I'm a hypocrite
And then I send my Christian life to the laundry
And tell You I want ALL THE STAINS removed
That I want YOU
To WASH AND PRESS AND SOFTEN my disguise
And return it by the morning.
Thank You very much.
Because what would people think
If they saw me
Without that shirt?!
If they saw me
As I am
If they saw my sham(e)?
If they saw me
The wolf
Masquerading as the Lamb
Living sinfully
With Your name on my sleeve.
If they saw me
They wouldn't see Your face
They wouldn't see
How You have made me clean
How You have clothed me splendidly.
They wouldn't know
That underneath
Andrew Mackereth is Your foe
Fighting grace
Fighting to put him
In Your place
And to put his name
On other people's t-shirts.
They'd see me in rags
The me I used to be;
The me that desperately
Desperately wants to be
King
...
They wouldn’t know
For they couldn’t quite contemplate
The Stakes
They couldn’t know
The quietly alarming circumstances
Of the war at hand in my head
My crimes against myself and my God
Andrew James Mackereth
Versus
Jesus of Nazareth
They’d never understand You know
That Andrew Mackereth is your foe
And that he’s dead too
That Andrew Mackereth is dead
And that You live.
And that I've reached understanding
With Jesus of Nazareth
And that You've done my laundry for all of time.
It is quite repetitive. I've posted here the marginally coherent parts. It has grown too big as my poems tend to do.
Laundry
Every day
I meet with my God in the same place
I meet with my God and every day
I resolve to change
I resolve to change my ways
I come home cut to the core
Penitent and grateful
Pensive and reflective
Thoughtful;
And having drunk deep of your cup of grace
I plunge back into the pool of perdition
And soak there
Waiting
Waiting for you to pick me up
And wring me out
And wash me clean again.
I have a t-shirt with Your name on it
That I like to wear in company.
Christ;
You know I'm such a fake
I wear it until the dirt begins to stick
Until it's clear that I'm a hypocrite
And then I send my Christian life to the laundry
And tell You I want ALL THE STAINS removed
That I want YOU
To WASH AND PRESS AND SOFTEN my disguise
And return it by the morning.
Thank You very much.
Because what would people think
If they saw me
Without that shirt?!
If they saw me
As I am
If they saw my sham(e)?
If they saw me
The wolf
Masquerading as the Lamb
Living sinfully
With Your name on my sleeve.
If they saw me
They wouldn't see Your face
They wouldn't see
How You have made me clean
How You have clothed me splendidly.
They wouldn't know
That underneath
Andrew Mackereth is Your foe
Fighting grace
Fighting to put him
In Your place
And to put his name
On other people's t-shirts.
They'd see me in rags
The me I used to be;
The me that desperately
Desperately wants to be
King
...
They wouldn’t know
For they couldn’t quite contemplate
The Stakes
They couldn’t know
The quietly alarming circumstances
Of the war at hand in my head
My crimes against myself and my God
Andrew James Mackereth
Versus
Jesus of Nazareth
They’d never understand You know
That Andrew Mackereth is your foe
And that he’s dead too
That Andrew Mackereth is dead
And that You live.
And that I've reached understanding
With Jesus of Nazareth
And that You've done my laundry for all of time.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Repurpose
I have decided to redirect and/or repurpose this blog for poetry and assorted crafts.
I have a body of incomplete poems and short stories and I need your help.
If I post them up I would love for you to take them and fix them or comment on their content.
Please be honest with me if you find my material offensive and/or heretical.
And I was thinking... in the interest of fairness... you could probably contribute stuff too and I could comment on it and he and she could comment on it too and we'd all grow from this. I think I'm able to add contributors right?
Just let me know if you're keen hey?
Welcome to The Andrew James Mackereth Collaborative Poetry Blog.
I'll take my name out of the title or add yours in if that's what it takes to get you to join me.
I have a body of incomplete poems and short stories and I need your help.
If I post them up I would love for you to take them and fix them or comment on their content.
Please be honest with me if you find my material offensive and/or heretical.
And I was thinking... in the interest of fairness... you could probably contribute stuff too and I could comment on it and he and she could comment on it too and we'd all grow from this. I think I'm able to add contributors right?
Just let me know if you're keen hey?
Welcome to The Andrew James Mackereth Collaborative Poetry Blog.
I'll take my name out of the title or add yours in if that's what it takes to get you to join me.
Monday, November 23, 2009
Pride
I did something today of which I am proud. But I have no right to be... because I didn't really do anything, well, not much of a thing, really, in the grander scheme of things. Lately I've been praying to God for a passion for people. I've been asking Him to be my number one priority, and waiting I guess for opportunities to serve Him and others in small ways. I had one today and I think I did Him fairly proud. I didn't do what He would have done, because no one could do that... but He helped me to do something I've never done before. Isn't it funny how pride works though? Jesus made me do something impulsive, but then afterwards a small part of me wanted to pat myself on the back. Dislike. I only came to my senses when I realised that what I did was completely out of character; but not completely out of His character. I didn't do anything. Christ was driving and I am proud that He saw fit to do so.
I was also reminded today of the way in which I am excessively blessed; I want for nothing, although sometimes I want nothing but everything else. I should cut that out.
I was also reminded today of the way in which I am excessively blessed; I want for nothing, although sometimes I want nothing but everything else. I should cut that out.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
A bizarre dream
I had a truly bizarre dream last night. I quite often do but for some reason this one stuck in my head because it was semi-sadist.
I dreamt that I was driving the car, as you do, when all of a sudden I noticed that one of my animals was shut in the door. Like when you shut the seatbelt in the car door and the door is kinda shut but not really. Or when you shut your hand in the door and your fingers all break but you forget about it.
Anyway, my cat Shadow was shut in the door. She had made it into the car (mostly) before someone (me?) shut the door on her and trapped her there. Her left front paw up to the shoulder and part of her left back paw had been shut outside the car. I was alarmed! So I opened the door to let her out. Turns out she was fine, or I think so, because after limping off she disappeared from my dream and didn't return. But it gets worse.
Because my other cat Moonlight was jammed in the boot! If that had happened in real life she would have been cut in half and killed. I couldn't believe that not one, but TWO cats had been shut in openings of my car and left there helplessly. How does that even happen? Had another cat trapped them there?
And then there was a third cat I could not identify shut in another door. There is something wrong with me. Third time was the charm and I decided to dream about something else.
I dreamt that I was driving the car, as you do, when all of a sudden I noticed that one of my animals was shut in the door. Like when you shut the seatbelt in the car door and the door is kinda shut but not really. Or when you shut your hand in the door and your fingers all break but you forget about it.
Anyway, my cat Shadow was shut in the door. She had made it into the car (mostly) before someone (me?) shut the door on her and trapped her there. Her left front paw up to the shoulder and part of her left back paw had been shut outside the car. I was alarmed! So I opened the door to let her out. Turns out she was fine, or I think so, because after limping off she disappeared from my dream and didn't return. But it gets worse.
Because my other cat Moonlight was jammed in the boot! If that had happened in real life she would have been cut in half and killed. I couldn't believe that not one, but TWO cats had been shut in openings of my car and left there helplessly. How does that even happen? Had another cat trapped them there?
And then there was a third cat I could not identify shut in another door. There is something wrong with me. Third time was the charm and I decided to dream about something else.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Jody
Today on the train I did something which scared me. I talked to someone I did not know, but have long observed from a distance. Her name is Jody.
I had been more than a little bit embarrased to talk to Jody before today. She made me uncomfortable because she's so loud and always makes a habit of talking to people on the train. You could say that I have been too scared to talk to her in the past. Today she sat across the aisle, one row in front of where I was sitting. I was fruitlessly trying to study for my theology exam, when I looked up and saw that she was looking my way, and in a moment of confusion I smiled at her and waved. It had been in the back of my mind that I should do so when she had sat down but I hadn't so now I was forced into a situation where it was required of me. She said hello and asked how I was and I did the same and before I knew it she had crossed the aisle to sit next to me.
And it was at this point that I began to feel really awkward because I had not wanted to be put into this situation. I had been quite happy sitting in my seat on my own, minding my own business, thinking my own thoughts; thoughts about me and people that I conceive of only insofar as they relate to me. I had been thinking about myself but now found myself forced to think about Jody. I learnt that Jody has brain damage. Having seen her on the train before I had been embarrassed and pointedly avoided sitting too close to her. I had seen the way in which she struck up conversations with strangers and been appalled to think that she might one day do so with me. But today I was reminded that when I sit on my own on the train and think about myself I am being a total dickhead. I love those moments when God suddenly reminds you that you're being an absolute tosser.
Because Jesus loves everybody. He knows anything and everything about Jody and loves her perfectly, just as he loves me. He has loved her for all time and he has a purpose for her. I learnt that she was in a car accident when she was 15 years old and that's the reason her speech is slurred. She took my hand and made me feel the bump on her head and under her left eye socket where the bones broke. I learnt that she used to have a brother, but he was killed in an accident 13 years ago. She attends a rehabilitation centre. She wasn't wearing a seatbelt when she was 15, and as a result she was heinously injured and had to be airlifted to hospital. She only just pulled through. I couldn't understand everything she said; but I think she said that she was going to be/wanted to be on an ad to show people how necessary wearing a seatbelt is. I also learnt that she believes in God, that she is happy with her life, and that she neither angry nor bitter about herself, or her brother (who is watching over her family from heaven). Jody is one of the most friendly and honest people I have ever met.
'The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.' 1 Samuel 16:7b
I so often look at the outward appearance and I make myself sick. Because I should know so much better. I am so thankful that God is patient because I would have lost my cool with me a long time ago. It is good to have your eyes opened, but I am sick of having them constantly reopened.
'What good is it, my brothers, if a man claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save him?' James 3:14
I am always the first person to put up my hand and talk about my faith. Provided I am among Christians. Provided I am in a safe environment. Provided there is no danger of rebuke or discomfort. I talked to Jody about Jesus today, about his love for her and me and everyone. She said that she doesn't go to church anymore, and I really don't know if she knows Christ personally. But she believes in God and that she's on this planet for a reason. Wow. I entered that conversation thinking that I had been sent to talk to her. But I left it with the knowledge that she had been sent to talk to me. Jody was sent to snap me out of funk and remind me what I'm here for. She was sent as a catalyst to make me repent of my unbelieveable arrogance and contempt for God's people. Jody was sent to remind me that God loves everyone and I have to as well. Everyone.
'If you really keep the royal law found in Scripture, "Love your neighbour as yourself," you are doing right. But if you show favoritism, you sin and are convicted by the law as lawbreakers.' James 2:8-9
If God had left it up to me I would have talked to the pretty blonde girl sitting across the carriage from me instead. But he didn't. Today God forced me to remember that I need to do more than just talk about my love for God's people. I need to live it. Praise God that He took the time to remind me that my life is not about me.
I had been more than a little bit embarrased to talk to Jody before today. She made me uncomfortable because she's so loud and always makes a habit of talking to people on the train. You could say that I have been too scared to talk to her in the past. Today she sat across the aisle, one row in front of where I was sitting. I was fruitlessly trying to study for my theology exam, when I looked up and saw that she was looking my way, and in a moment of confusion I smiled at her and waved. It had been in the back of my mind that I should do so when she had sat down but I hadn't so now I was forced into a situation where it was required of me. She said hello and asked how I was and I did the same and before I knew it she had crossed the aisle to sit next to me.
And it was at this point that I began to feel really awkward because I had not wanted to be put into this situation. I had been quite happy sitting in my seat on my own, minding my own business, thinking my own thoughts; thoughts about me and people that I conceive of only insofar as they relate to me. I had been thinking about myself but now found myself forced to think about Jody. I learnt that Jody has brain damage. Having seen her on the train before I had been embarrassed and pointedly avoided sitting too close to her. I had seen the way in which she struck up conversations with strangers and been appalled to think that she might one day do so with me. But today I was reminded that when I sit on my own on the train and think about myself I am being a total dickhead. I love those moments when God suddenly reminds you that you're being an absolute tosser.
Because Jesus loves everybody. He knows anything and everything about Jody and loves her perfectly, just as he loves me. He has loved her for all time and he has a purpose for her. I learnt that she was in a car accident when she was 15 years old and that's the reason her speech is slurred. She took my hand and made me feel the bump on her head and under her left eye socket where the bones broke. I learnt that she used to have a brother, but he was killed in an accident 13 years ago. She attends a rehabilitation centre. She wasn't wearing a seatbelt when she was 15, and as a result she was heinously injured and had to be airlifted to hospital. She only just pulled through. I couldn't understand everything she said; but I think she said that she was going to be/wanted to be on an ad to show people how necessary wearing a seatbelt is. I also learnt that she believes in God, that she is happy with her life, and that she neither angry nor bitter about herself, or her brother (who is watching over her family from heaven). Jody is one of the most friendly and honest people I have ever met.
'The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.' 1 Samuel 16:7b
I so often look at the outward appearance and I make myself sick. Because I should know so much better. I am so thankful that God is patient because I would have lost my cool with me a long time ago. It is good to have your eyes opened, but I am sick of having them constantly reopened.
'What good is it, my brothers, if a man claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save him?' James 3:14
I am always the first person to put up my hand and talk about my faith. Provided I am among Christians. Provided I am in a safe environment. Provided there is no danger of rebuke or discomfort. I talked to Jody about Jesus today, about his love for her and me and everyone. She said that she doesn't go to church anymore, and I really don't know if she knows Christ personally. But she believes in God and that she's on this planet for a reason. Wow. I entered that conversation thinking that I had been sent to talk to her. But I left it with the knowledge that she had been sent to talk to me. Jody was sent to snap me out of funk and remind me what I'm here for. She was sent as a catalyst to make me repent of my unbelieveable arrogance and contempt for God's people. Jody was sent to remind me that God loves everyone and I have to as well. Everyone.
'If you really keep the royal law found in Scripture, "Love your neighbour as yourself," you are doing right. But if you show favoritism, you sin and are convicted by the law as lawbreakers.' James 2:8-9
If God had left it up to me I would have talked to the pretty blonde girl sitting across the carriage from me instead. But he didn't. Today God forced me to remember that I need to do more than just talk about my love for God's people. I need to live it. Praise God that He took the time to remind me that my life is not about me.
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